Listen to Understand

Mark Hoplamazian is the CEO of Hyatt Hotels. He is a longtime collaborator and friend, and I’ve benefitted tremendously from his wise mentorship (I actually remember when, the first time we met almost ten years ago, he expressed genuine human delight at discovering I was expecting my first child “any day now…” That moment always stuck with me.). We were chatting the other day, and he offhandedly mentioned that a recent learning objective he set was to “listen to understand, rather than listen to respond.”

What a powerful reframe.

It’s sadly true that often, we’re only listening enough to figure out what we are going to say next — listening to respond, rather than to understand — as if we are the main event and rightful focus of the conversation. This is true in social interactions, and it’s also ironically true even in the supposedly-human-centered-innovation space. All too often, I watch new students (and even catch myself, years into my own learning journey) MUCH more concerned about “What am I going to say next?” than they are about “What is the other human being sitting across from me actually saying? What do they mean? Why do they feel that way?” What’s pathetic is that, whereas the former is incredibly intimidating and stressful, the latter is shockingly rewarding.

It takes deliberate effort to shift the default frame. It doesn’t come naturally, and it doesn’t happen overnight. That’s why some of the most effective leaders and innovators I know — folks like Mark — make it a goal. Something they practice, and hopefully improve, with effort and time.

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